September 30, 2008

Fears of an Expecting father...

From the moment you learn of your partner's pregnancy, you're thrust into a strange new world and encouraged to participate in the pregnancy and birth process. Yet, you may feel awkward about sharing your fears and insecurities. That's only natural. Here are seven common fears faced by fathers-to-be:

Security fears
The biggest fear men face is the one most deeply hardwired into our culture: Will I be able to protect and provide for my family? In most families when the first child arrives, there's this sudden if temporary shift from two incomes for two people to one income for three. And that's a tough burden to carry in today's world. The father has to be strong in ways he hadn't counted on before. He has to provide support not just financially but also emotionally: His wife will need his help, she'll be undergoing dramatic emotional shifts, and he has to be ready for her to lean on him.

Performance fears
More than 80 percent of the fathers I come across in my practice say they were worried they wouldn't be able to perform when their wife was in labor. They were afraid of passing out, throwing up, or getting queasy in the presence of all those bodily fluids. Such fears may be based on cartoons and sitcoms and our culture's way of making fun of men, but two things became clear: The men all expected it — and it almost never happens. In follow-up interviews, it turned out only one out of 600 men fainted, and that was in August in Fresno (California), and the air conditioning had gone out and two of the nurses had to leave the room, too.If you really can't tolerate blood, step out of the delivery room. Don't ignore your fears — work through them, talk to other fathers who've been there. Typically, the first thing fathers say when they come out of the delivery room is "The baby and my wife are fine; it's a girl." And the second thing they say is "I didn't get queasy — I came through it okay."

Paternity fears
About half the new and expectant dads I interviewed eventually came around to admitting they had fleeting thoughts that they weren't really the baby's father. But if you ask them whether they suspect that their wife had an affair, they're insulted and hurt. On a logical level, it's a disconnect, but on an emotional level something else is going on. He's dwelling on his own inadequacies: "It's too monumental, too godlike, being part of the creation of life. Someone bigger than me must have done it."One of the fathers I encountered was this interesting guy with bright red hair, freckles, and a crooked smile. His baby had bright red hair, freckles, and a crooked smile. And he said with a straight face, "I wonder if my wife was unfaithful." But he went on: "It just seemed — I don't know — this was too good, too miraculous to happen to me."

Mortality fears
When you're a part of the beginning of a life, you can't avoid thinking about the end of life. Thoughts about your own mortality can loom large: You're not the youngest generation anymore, your replacement has arrived, and if everything works out right, you'll die before your child dies. For a lot of young men who go around thinking they're immortal or invincible, that's a big change. One of my clients was a world-class race car driver, and he gave it up. He told me, "I don't have the right to die anymore."

Fear for your spouse's or child's health
Childbirth is such a nerve-racking experience. Scary things can happen to the person you love most in the whole world. You might lose the baby; you might lose your wife and have to bring the baby up alone. It really wasn't long ago that giving birth was fraught with danger: When my grandparents had children in the early 1920s, the main cause of death in women under 50 was childbirth. Today, if the birth goes well and the baby's fine, you'll still find most parents secretly counting the newborns fingers and toes.

Relationship fears
Men often fear that their wife will love the baby more than anyone on earth — and exclude them from that intimate relationship. It's a very real fear of being replaced. In so many households, after the birth Mom becomes the gatekeeper, giving her husband access to the baby only when she sees fit.I remember being at a Fourth of July fireworks show where a mother was carrying a newborn and the dad went over to give the baby a kiss and she slapped his hand and said, "You'll wake him." The dad just crumpled and walked away. What he should have said then was, "I'd like to hold him now, and if he wakes up I'll take care of it." He needs to make it clear that this is his child, too, and they're partners in raising him. He needs to spend time alone with his baby and kick Mom out of the house some days. Otherwise, I can see him spending all his time on the golf course because there's no place for him in the house.Each parent brings different strengths to the partnership. The child usually relies on the mother for security, comfort, and warmth. The child looks to the father for his sense of freedom and separation and sense of the world. Of course, those qualities can come from either parent, but when all these strengths work hand in hand, it's fabulous.

Fears of "women's medicine"
Men are not used to the ob-gyn establishment. It's foreign, it's cold, it's something we don't understand well. Even as observers, many men feel embarrassed and inhibited around stirrups and gynecological exams. Hospital examining rooms and delivery rooms are not made comfortable for a father. Men are usually fairly ignorant about a woman's reproductive system — it's what happens "down there." And so when men encounter all this for the first time, they get clobbered with it. Being prepared — making decisions together about the kind of care you want for your partner and baby — helps tremendously. Having a birth plan, with a set role for you, also helps to make clear what's ahead in the process.Jerrold Lee Shapiro, a licensed clinical psychologist, is the author of Becoming a Father (Springer), The Measure of a Man (Berkley), and When Men Are Pregnant (Delta). He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area with his wife and two children.

Though I have my fears and anxieties about this stuff I tend to forget that Dez might be feeling some of the fears and wonders about it all as well! I need to keep that in mind when I am having my freak out moments or worried about if I think she is kicking enough and if she is healthy. Dez is possibly feeling the same way or feeling a few other fears then I even think about! This was a good reminder to me that just because I am carrying Ava and will give birth to her He is going though the same thing. And that my fears are not any more important than his! He plays it a lot more calm then I do so I will have to look close to see if he is struggling with a fear or worry about it all! I just need to keep in mind that this is not smooth sailing for him at all!

WE are so very excited but it does come with a lot of fears for new parents and I am sure that it still does for people who have children already! There are just things like...

I want to see Ava on an ultrasound every week and hear her heart beat all the time! But that is not a great financial way to do things! Plus the doctor monitors all of that and We have a wonderful doctor!!!! Its just me wanting to make sure I am doing everything right and not missing anything!!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!!

September 29, 2008


Ava's development in pregnancy week 23:

Ava in sixth month At this point you’ve pretty much adjusted to the fact you’ve got a moving little gymnast inside of you,(I actually beg to differ about that!) but now they’re going to kick up the party a notch because they can hear and react to sounds from the outside world. Sounds from your alarm clock, a thunder roll, or that darned car honking at you across the intersection can actually jar their little ears enough to elicit a kick or violent bout of squirming. Of course this also means that their little ears are picking up the sounds of your voice and those near you. So go ahead, sing a lullaby to your little angel—if they start kicking, it’s likely they just want you to stop… or maybe it was a kick of approval? You decide. Your baby's tiny taste buds are still growing and their bones are continuing to ossify (harden), their tiny veins are visible through their translucent yet wrinkly skin. (Think of it this way: they’ve been swimming in the equivalent of a long hot bath for the past 23 weeks, so you can’t blame them for being a little prune-like.)

This is from one of my other websites! It says about the same thing!

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

September 22, 2008

Ava's First Gift!!!

Today when we got home from work and whole foods there was a package waiting for us on our front door!! When we opened it we saw the cutest things!!! There was a beautiful set of booties and a hooded baby towel!! I took some pictures of them! We are so excited!!!

Thank you so much Steve, Tricia, Cooper, & Landen Lewis!!! We can't thank yall enough for all you guys do for us!!! We feel so special and we can't wait to see yall!!!

Here are a few pictures of the precious things they gave baby Ava!

Week 22 Ava's getting Bigger!!!

I Got this picture off of the same website as the updates I post!!! They have a new one each week!!! I will post them!!!
Ava's development in pregnancy week 22:

Ava's in the fifth month The grow must go on! No wonder you’re getting so big, you’re now housing a wonder-baby who weighs nearly a pound and measures nearly a foot in length. Their perfect little pancreas is now further developed and they’ve also started producing their own hormones! Your baby's future in the circus as a world-famous tight-rope-walker is secure: their inner ear is now developed to the point that they have their own sense of balance. Lucky for your little explorer, balance also promotes physical dexterity, which has them actively feeling out their surroundings where skin, body parts, and the resident umbilical cord are the big sensory experiences. Your foot-long baby, is looking a bit like an over sized raisin right now as more and more wrinkles are showing up each week. Not to worry, all that excessive wrinkling is just their skin’s way of planning ahead for the time when they’ll start piling on that irresistible baby chub.

Ava has also become somewhat of a gymnast! It feels like she is doing about 10 flips a second! And using my tummy as a push off! Des is able to feel it too! she is kicking harder and harder every day! It is so amazing!!!

Today we have a doctors appointment I also am going to ask if we can hear her heart beat!! If they don't already check it! I read that we would be able to hear it if we had a normal stethoscope and just put it to my belly! I am unsure about that but I am going to ask the doctor about that today!

Oh I also meant to post the Playpen (that is what they were called when i was a kid now they are called Play yards) and the stroller/ car seat picture up here! This is the colors we like because we feel like it is a good versatile color and it will not be used in her room so its OK if it is not a girlie color! plus it will hide anything she or we could get on it! It is very sturdy and easy to set up and take down and it is not very heavy! We love it!!!

Update From the Doctor:

Ava's heartbeat is perfect and just what it needs to be! We got to hear her heart! That is so awesome! I am 22 weeks and 1 day!!! the countdown in by weeks right now but we are fast approaching counting down the days!!! We can't wait!

September 20, 2008

Maternity Clothing

Dez and I went shopping today for some maternity clothing for me because I am having a hard time fitting into all of my normal clothing. Wow what i shocker. Its just like buying normal clothing but a lot of it is way more expensive then I even spend on my normal clothing! Crazy!!! I got a few cute things but was trying not to go over board with it because I would rather spend the money on our little girl! But for some of it I really see no choice! I just can't fit into my other clothes!!

We have also decided on a playpen and stroller with car seat attachment! We are taking our time and going to see them all and see how they are to assemble and disassemble! The one we found i think that I will be able to do it all even if Dez isn't around to help me! It seems super easy and Not that heavy but it also has very very good reviews! Actually i think that while we were there two couples bought the playpen! so that is a good thing and makes me feel so good about that! we want to make sure that we get sturdy safe stuff that we can also use for our second child whenever that might be. We think that the stuff that we are buying minus the girlie stuff of course we should be able to reuse! So Dez is working hard hard hard on making sure that we are buying and registering for great products.

I am so glad that it is the weekend! I really get drained during the week at work. I just come home and really fall asleep mid conversation or something close to that. Dez walked outside for about 5 minutes one night and when he walked back in a bomb could have went off and i was not waking up. I think that he was cleaning and vacuuming and I did not even move! LOL!!! Sleepy prego girl! ha ha!!! Dez is great to let me get the rest that I really need. He picks up so much of my slack and I am so very grateful for him! He cooks, cleans, and does laundry even though he hates that! I try to keep it up but sometimes I just fall a little behind due to me being so sleepy.

Dez is sleeping right now because he gets so worn out during the week because he works him self to the bone for us! I can't tell everyone how wonderful he is and how grateful I am for him! I am such a lucky girl!!! I love him more than anything!!!!

hope that everyone has a great weekend!

Love always


September 19, 2008


I changed the words to Ava that said Fetus i don't really much care for that word to me it is like not calling her a baby! So i know it is scientific or whatever but i feel putting her name is way more personal! I thought this would be a good update on what is going on with her! i get these emails all the time and find the ones about her growing and i will post what stage she is in! Its crazy how much she has grown in a short amount of time! Hope everyone is having a wonderful day!!!

Ava's development in pregnancy week 21:

Ava in fifth month Your beautiful little miracle-gro baby will be putting on a full ounce and a half this week (and weighing up to 16.5 ounces), but that’s just the beginning! Within the next five weeks, they’ll really be packin’ it on! For now, we’re pleased to report the addition of rapid eye movement (REM) a key component to any healthy baby’s sleep schedule. While in the dermatology department: their thin soft skin is very red, rather translucent, and a bit wrinkled. Not to worry, it’s not a premature aging disease. It's just their clever little body setting them up with extra space that will smooth out once your little one starts packing on the baby-fat. That won’t be for a few more weeks, though. So for the time being, your munchkin is still a little lean mean growing machine! The beginnings of what is commonly called “brown fat” is just starting to fill in to help your baby retain some body heat, which is crucial as they’re not yet capable of regulating their own body temperature.

September 17, 2008

Our baby girl has a place to sleep...

We went last night to look at baby things and see what we would like to buy for our little girl! We were just going to look mind you... well we ended up with a beautiful crib! We couldn't resist. Here is a picture of what we bought! Now i just have to find the right bedding for it. I think that i have an idea of what it will look like but I keep going back and forth on it. I know I want the colors to be Light pink, Brown, and Cream!

This is the crib...

This is kinda what I was thinking for the Bedding...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE Embroidered things! I am thinking that I want to get her stuff done that way! So far this is what I am set on but who knows we still have about four months to change our minds!!! HA HA I can be very indecisive!!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!!

Desmond & Jennifer Lewis

P.S. She is kicking a lot at this moment!!!

So Excited and Blessed!

These are the first pictures of our wonderful precious baby! We found out what we are having and we could not be more excited!!! ITS A GIRL!!! Our family is so excited as well!!!!! We can't wait for everything! This is a new and wonderful experience!
Lately she has been kicking a lot and Dez can finally feel her kicking! I was so happy the first time he felt her because I feel like he is left out in a lot of the prosses and i want him to know kinda what it is like to have such a wonderful thing happening! I wish for one day he could feel what i feel because it is not at all a bad feeling it is wonderful and exciting everytime she kicks! We can't wait to see her when she arrives!
Her due date is January 25th! I started this so that everyone can be a part of this wonderful journey with us!!! We can't wait to meet our little girl!!!