October 30, 2008

She is so active I am Amazed!!

So Ava is very very active! She is moving all around and my tummy looks so funny to watch!!! I am amazed at the whole thing. I am having a hard time getting all my work done(i eventually do) but i just want to watch her move around! I really cannot wait to see her for the first time! I am counting down the weeks and days! That's why i keep putting up a new counter when I update my week progress and hers.

12 Weeks Left!!!! I am going crazy waiting. It seems like a long time we have been waiting but I guess time is flying by as well! I mean just a few weeks ago we were about 150 days away from her due date and we are now in the 85 range. That is crazy it seems like it is flying and at the same time standing still.

We have our next doctors appointment on November 11Th!!!! I am not sure what all is going to be done or if it is just to meet another doctor because they rotate us around so that if my doctor is not the on call doctor if I go into labor over a weekend then I will know the doctor who will be delivering Ava and it won't be a shock to see a new face because I will know all the possible doctors we might have! they are all really sweet! although I really want my doctor to be the one to deliver her. I absolutely love this doctor she is so friendly and personable! But I am sure that either way it will be nice.!

Next thing on my list next week is to interview pediatricians and see who will be Ava's doctor. And i would also like to visit the hospital just to get familiar with it all! I want to be totally comfortable with me and my baby being there for a few days!

Other than that everything is wonderful and we are just counting the days until our wonderful baby girl gets here!!!

October 27, 2008

27 Week Update...pregnancy

Ava's development in pregnancy week 27:

Ava's in seventh month Your not-so-tiny-anymore brilliant baby(about 2 pounds and 14.5 inches long!) is slowly rotating in preparation to “head out.” Obviously, this doesn’t happen overnight, but when you start to feel an unfamiliar pressure on your cervix, you’ll know you’ve got a fully flipped baby locked and loaded for the countdown to their birthday! Even now, at the beginning of the third trimester, their little lungs are already capable of breathing air while the pulmonary vascular system can provide sufficient gas exchange and the central nervous system can generally regulate rhythmic breathing as well as their basal body temperature. For what it’s worth, at this point in a healthy pregnancy a premature child (with intensive care) could easily win on the show: “Survivor: The Early Years.”

How your baby's growing:This week, your baby weighs almost 2 pounds (like a head of cauliflower) and is about 14 1/2 inches long with her legs extended. She's sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing her eyes, and perhaps even sucking her fingers. With more brain tissue developing, your baby's brain is very active now. While her lungs are still immature, they would be capable of functioning — with a lot of medical help — if she were to be born now. Chalk up any tiny rhythmic movements you may be feeling to a case of baby hiccups, which may be common from now on. Each episode usually lasts only a few moments, and they don't bother her, so just relax and enjoy the tickle.

We have also registered! We went to Babies R Us on Saturday and finally registered. Here is the link! http://www.toysrus.com/ControllerServlet?target=viewDetails&operation=authenticate_user&registryNumber=60288977&from=registrySearch

This was a lot to take in when you have no idea all that you will need for her! We followed a guide and list and des followed me around with the consumer guide book and we looked up each item before we registered for it! So hopefully we registered for the best stuff we could! It seemed to take a while to get through the whole store! but we had a great time and it was funny walking around going ok so look this up because I have no idea what it is and or where it is in the store!

But all in all it was a great experience!

hope everyone has a wonderful week!

October 23, 2008

Feeling much better.

Last night by the time I got home from work I was back to almost normal feeling. Just back to being able to feel her kick and move around. I am so grateful it was not anything bad. Just that I really needed more fluids. I have been drinking way more. I already thought I had been drinking tons but if more is what I need then I will do whatever I need to.

Dez and I had a quiet night at home. We watched a movie called "meet bill" and it was actually very good. I had never heard of it when it was in the Theater but had seen it a couple times in the movie store and finally we decided to get it. Dez made BBQ chicken and Mac and Cheese of course because that is his favorite side item! I don't disagree either it is great! Then just settled in for the night. I really just enjoyed relaxing and sitting on the couch together. It was a wonderful night!

And I am so glad that this morning I am feeling back to my normal pregnant self!!!

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

October 22, 2008

Oh the worries of pregnancy!

So yesterday I called the doctor because the night after our appointment I went home and was feeling really uncomfortable but not in the normal I just can't seem to get comforatble with my big belly type. My stomach felt like it was contracting and really strong. I was worried that I was going into preterm labor like my mom had done with the three boys. Dez tried to calm me down and of course I was too worried at that point. We decided that we would see how the night went and how the morning went. I started drinking more milk and took more of my calcium pills then had 4 glasses of water thinking maybe that will help! It had not stopped by the time i fell asleep that night but I tossed and turned all night long of course and didn't get much sleep. When I woke up the next morning my belly was just really sore but it was not contracting like it was the night before. I felt a little better. I called the doctor and asked what she thought might have caused that. I mean I knew that there is a think called braxton hicks but of course all the books I read said that it would be more in the next month that I might feel those. But still worried I talked to the doctor and she said that it probably was just that i needed more fluids in my body and because she had seen me the day before and everything looked wonderful and her heartbeat was strong that I should just drink some more fluids and walk around and sit and try different positions when I am uncomfortable and if they continue then to come see her.

They have not come back yet I upped my Fluids for the day and still am drinking more and it seems to be working. I am still sore but not as bad but I am thinking that is due to the fact that my belly is WAY bigger than what it is use to and it is stretching out and I will get that soreness when it is trying to stretch more and more. Dang I need to get those pictures of my belly up on here. She is growing like crazy! My belly really showing now. Those pictures before dont really show too much.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!

October 21, 2008

26 Weeks.... And Im getting very uncomfortable!

So we still don't have Internet yet but I will try to find a way to load all the pictures up here one way or another. I Have a bunch! Some new clothing from Grandma and grandpa Lewis they are so cute... one is a little razorbacks polo dress with the cutiest socks with little razor backs on them! ... So cute Wish i could upload the pictures. And another gift was two little cardinals onesies a blue one and a red one! Dez was so excited!!!!! they are so cute. Also the other things we got from them were survival kit and a safety proofing the house kit. those are going to come in so handy! Tricia has thought of so many thing that we will need that have not even crossed my mind. I am so grateful for her and her family! such a blessing. We are so excited for yall to come visit and meet our little angel when she arrives!

We are all unpacked for the most part. I cleaned the house this weekend and i really think that i over did it because now i am so sore and tired! On top of not sleeping through the night and all!

Yesterday was our 26 week appointment and i also went and took a one hour gest. test where you drink the sweet drink then sit for an hour to see what your body does with all the sugar. Well hope i passed because i will have to go back for a second test if not and that one is three hours! really don't want to do that!!!!

Yesterday at our appointment We heard her heartbeat and it was strong and perfect. I asked about discomfort cause i seem to be experiencing a lot more than usual. But she didn't seem concerned about it at all. she just said oh the baby is stretching out and making herself known in there. and my womb is stretching too! So I am seriously sore and i am hoping that it starts to slow down because it is seriously slowing me down. Plus i can't sleep more than an hour at a time!

But other than that everything seems to be normal and great! we are so excited for her to be here and see her! we can't wait to hold her and love on her! We are so blessed!

Ok so here is what my email said for the week... we are down to about 95 days in counting....

Ava's 26 week Developement:

Ava's in sixth month At long last, your little swimmer can see the womb! Your miracle’s little eyelids have finally separated (they were fused closed previously) and they’re probably having their first moments of sight as you read this (or maybe it already happened while you were brushing your teeth or watching Oprah or something). In addition to seeing their little studio in your belly, they’ve recently acquired the ability to say “yes” and “no” in rudimentary sign language as they can now move their head back and forth. This is also the time where your little super star’s head hair is starting to grow! A cute little cowlick or two may be springing into position right now, getting ready for years of cute-but-stubborn bed-head. Also, their toenails have grown in and you little raisin continues to slowly pile up fat beneath their still-loose skin. Most importantly, brain tissue and neurons are all developing at a rapid pace, increasing their (genius-level?) brain activity and will continue to function at accelerated levels for the first seven to eight years of childhood!

also i am going to repost her pictures up here because i just love love love looking at them!!!!

October 15, 2008

All moved in and just about settled... oh and my 26 week appointment is this coming monday!!!!

Everything is going great we are moved in to our apartment and absolutly love love love it!!!! We are just about done unpacking! I still have to organize the closet and get everything in order there but that is my goal for the weekend. Other than that we are just about settled in to our home! The dogs are adjusting and that took a little while for them to get use to the new place. I still have a few things that I would like to do to make it feel more like home it is just taking a while. We finally got out and bought a NICE vaccum and a trashcan for the kitchen (very much needed). I am looking for the right cutains for the living room and the bed room. I looked at bed bath and beyond last night and we saw some that we loved but we are not going to pay 100.00 for curtains right now. so my next move is to look at target. I have a certain type in mind and it will be that kind of thing when I see it I will know!

Monday is our 26 week doctors appointment! I also have to go take a test that doesn't sound like fun! I have to drink this increadably SWEET drink (Nothing really sweet even sounds good to me at this point) and then just sit for an hour to see how my body deals with the sugar. BOO!!! I really don't want to do it! Everyone keep me and the baby in your prayers that we do good on this test cause if I don't then I will have to go back and drink more and then sit for 3 hours! crazy!!!!! Oh well it is a part of the deal! I can't wait to see the doctor and talk to her about 4d sonogram cause we are at the point that they turn out the best this month and next month are good months to get it done! This is something that is so amazing to me the technology that we have now days!!! here is a great website if you want to check out the 4d sonograms!!! I love when we get to see her growing and see her face... with this you can actually see facial expressions and sucking her thumb and blinking and yawning and all that wonderful stuff!!! Super excited!


October 13, 2008

Second post for the day... week 25 Update!!!

We are now at week 25... WOW how the time flies!

Get your free online pregnancy calendar from WhatToExpect.com

here is how she is growing this week. I find it all so amazing and wonderful how this little girl is growing it is truely a blessing and I am amazed at Gods works everyday and everytime I feel her kick and move...

Ok so here is the Update from a few sites...

this one is my favorite...

Your little grower’s physical proportions are evening out at this point and most of their remaining development will largely be weight gain and lots and lots of nervous system development. The good news is: if your child is born premature now they’ll be more likely to survive without too much trauma as their lungs began to produce “surfactant” last week, which means their tiny respiratory system is getting stronger with each passing day. Yes, now’s a good time for a minor sigh of relief and a quick pat on the back. All that hard work and conscientious living is really getting your child prepared for a healthy delivery. Keep up the fabulous work mama! This week they’ll be scootching slowly out of the old breech position and start rotating (already!) into a better position for exit during their birth. Their head and feet are slowly rotating so that the head is pointed down towards the birth canal. Time is short (or really long, depending on who you ask)—just (still!) 14 weeks left before you can go back to being a single-resident human.


How Baby Ava is growing:

Head to heels, your baby now measures about 13 1/2 inches. Her weight — a pound and a half — isn't much more than an average rutabaga, but she's beginning to exchange her long, lean look for some baby fat. As she does, her wrinkled skin will begin to smooth out and she'll start to look more and more like a newborn. She's also growing more hair — and if you could see it, you'd now be able to discern its color and texture.


Ava's Lung Development:
Your baby is about nine inches long and more than a pound and a half in weight this week. And don't look now (as if you could), but your baby's skin is turning pinker as small blood vessels form under the skin and fill with blood. Lungs and nostrils are also growing at this stage of fetal development.

At nine inches and more than a pound and a half in weight, your baby is taller than two juice boxes stacked one on top of the other, and almost as heavy as four of those little boxes (an analogy you'll find particularly apropos in a few years, when those juice boxes start taking over your refrigerator, your pantry, your car.…). Don't look now (as if you could), but your baby's skin is turning pinker. No, not because he or she's getting overheated (in fact, the amniotic fluid is perfectly climate controlled, keeping your baby at an always comfortable temperature), but because small blood vessels, called capillaries, are forming under the skin and filling with blood. Later this week, blood vessels will also develop in your baby's lungs, bringing them one step closer to full maturity — and one step closer to taking that first breath of fresh air. But those lungs are still very much works in progress. Though they are already beginning to develop surfactant, a substance that will help the lungs expand after the baby is born, the lungs are still too undeveloped to sufficiently send oxygen to the bloodstream and release carbon dioxide when he or she exhales.

The lungs aren't the only system that's gearing up for air intake. Your baby's nostrils, which have been plugged up until now, are starting to open this week. This actually allows your little one to begin taking practice breaths. (Of course since there's no air in there, your baby is really only "breathing" amniotic fluid, but it's the practice that counts, right?)

We are moved in ...

We moved in this weekend to our new place and we could not love it any more. Dez has met I think everyone in the entire complex! They all seem really nice and sweet! We hired a few movers to help with the big stuff on Saturday due to the fact that I could not do any heavy lifting. But I tried to keep things unpacked and get them organized as things came to the place!!! Dez did most of the work! We are just about done... I have to unpack the rest of the closet and our bedroom but we have the bed all set up and the living room entertainment center set up now i just need some simple curtains in the bedroom and the living room and I really think we will be done! Hopefully I can decide what will go good in there and get them by the weekend. We are going to day to get a vaccum and trash can and a few items we need for the house at Bed bath and beyond.

We are so excited to be all moved in to the house! I think the puppies are adjusting well so far the first night everytime i woke up and dez woke up they were right in our face. I think they were nervous and confused as to what all was going on! Now they seem to get that they live there and are getting somewhat adjusted. It will take time! they don't have a yard to run freely in but at least there is a dog run for us to throw the ball with them and all that good stuff!

Dez stayed up late last night after packing. I think he was too wound up to go to sleep. I am not sure what time he went to bed but i really don't remember him coming in at all! He was so sweet to let me take it easy while moving. I really was tired after the first day! But i was trying to hard to keep going and he made me go to bed! LOL!!! but that is what i needed!!!

We have not gotten our intrenet set up yet or our tv. We are not sure what all we want to get. It is expensive and we are deciding on what will be the best and what we can just save money on! So hopefully soon we will have them or one of them!

Hope everyone has a wonderful week!!!

I have a week 24 belly photo and you can tell a difference in the size of my belly! I will have to try and get it posted soon!!!!

We are at week 25....

October 9, 2008

Some belly pictures... What we have taken so far...

The beach picture is from our vacation/ Honeymoon to Myrtle Beach... this is about 18 weeks.

The purple shirt is at 21 weeks. I forgot to take pictures from 19-20 I am thinking because I didn't look that different to us so we forgot... oops!!!!

This last one is 23 weeks... I have not taken 24 weeks yet I take them on Fridays... I am going to try to remember to take one tomorrow! I also got two new dresses and i am going to have one of them in my picture tomorrow I can't wait they are cute and Comfortable!!!!!!

~New Background! And a small update~

I finally figured out how to get cute backgrounds on this site!!! there are so many i will probably be changing it from time to time!!!

Just a small update:

We are moving into our new place tomorrow! We are so excited! We have been packing like crazy and are worn out... I will have to post pictures when we get settled.

Ava is kicking like crazy lately and really strong too. It is amazing to see how much stronger she gets each week and even everyday! I am really needing to post some belly pictures as well! I have a few but I will take one tonight hopefully if I remember!

We still have yet to register anywhere due to the fact that we have been crazy busy with getting ready to move and all that comes with that. And Dez has been researching what the best things are and exactly what we need. What a wonderful man he is! It is cute to see him get excited about it all! Its something i guess that girls mostly think about themselves getting excited about and don't realize how excited the guys can get too!

I have not been sleeping through the night most nights. Which is a part of the deal i know... Some nights are better than others but some nights i might as well not even go to sleep because i spend so much time awake anyway.

Well that is somewhat of a little update for now! Hope everyone has a wonderful day and rest of the week what is left of it... I can't wait for the weekend!

October 5, 2008

Our count down till we meet our little angel!!!!

MySpace Countdown Generator
Get your own free countdown at CountdownGen.com

pregnancy week by week

Ava's development in pregnancy week 24:

in sixth month This is another big week for your magical growing baby! Just take a look at the checklist for this week: 1) ears: done; 2) fingernails: done; and 3) lungs walls: secreting “surfactant”. What’s that? Well, surfactant is sort of what it sounds like: a surface-activated fat whose main purpose is to assist the your baby's little lungs during inflation (as in, filling with air, not getting more expensive). Just in case you’re curious, your submerged baby is still breathing in amniotic fluid, preparing and rehearsing the lungs an oxygen-filled life outside the womb. By the end of this week, your child will be weighing around 2 lbs and 14 inches long. Your cutie-patootie may even be a little more plump, but isn't anywhere near their full baby-fatted cute-self. Most of the “filling out” is coming up in that long awaited (and slightly dreaded?) thirdtrimester. Woo-hoo! Get ready!


Things are starting to get a little crowded inside the old womb as baby grows bigger and bigger. Your ribs are probably pining away for the good old days when they didn't have a foot permanently lodged between them. Hate to break it to you, but it's going to get worse before it gets better.

Ava's ears are fully functional now. And since they are, you may notice that loud noises and sudden movements can startle the little bugger. She's getting used to the everyday sounds inside the womb: the sound of your heart beating, your lungs inhaling and exhaling air, the growling of your stomach because your partner promised he'd be right back with that double cheeseburger and he's taking forever! She'll even be able to hear your voice when your partner finally arrives and you ask him where the bleep he's been! So talk nice!

Ava's got a fully developed inner ear now. This means her sense of balance is working and she can tell whether she's hanging upside down or right side up. She can also feel you moving, so go ahead, pop in your favorite tunes and boogie.

Your little Wiener schnitzel is about the length of a foot-long Chicago hot dog and weighs about 1 1/3 pounds.

October 3, 2008

~Our New Place In A Few Days~

Dez and I to save on gas money and give me and him both 2 1/2 hours less that we are in the car a day commuting to work, we decided to rent a condo/apartment for 6 months right down the street from both of our works!!! This is going to cut out a lot of driving and save us on gas each week and month! It is a big enough savings to make a difference the day we get there! We are so excited! The house that we are currently living in is going to be put on the market so they need to paint and fix a couple of things so we want to get out of the way and also because I can't really be around all of those paint fumes it would not be good to come home to that and sleep in it! So we are hoping to get into our new place soon!!! I have a few pictures off the website that I thought i would post for everyone to see! It is brand new and so pretty!!! CAN'T WAIT!!!!

October 2, 2008

The Cost Of Working....


Cost of working.

I understand how tempting it can be to get a job and abandon the SAHM philosophy for the sake of additional income.But in reality, how much are you really making?You may find yourself in a worse financial situation than if you were not working at all, due to the cost of working.
Did you know that it costs money to work? There are the obvious expenses, like taxes, daycare and transportation, but what about other things, like clothing and take-out meals? We often overlook these costs.Here is a wonderful Cost of Working Calculator that will help you examine just how much you would really be making.

CLICK HERE TO GET THE CALCULATOR: http://www.anycalculator.com/costofworking.htm

For an example, let’s take the last real job I had, and calculate my cost of working.I was a bank teller, working 40 hours a week, at $11 an hour with a quarterly bonus, on average, of about $1000. So my monthly gross income was about $2,100. (including the bonus)Because I was contributing an extra $25,000 a year to our income, we were no longer in the 15% tax bracket, but had moved up into the 25% tax bracket. This brought my net monthly income down to $1,575. Daycare:I had two children, both daycare-aged, at the time. Full time daycare in our area was running $325 per month, per child. A total of $650 a month for daycare.

Transportation: This would include a vehicle, maintenance, gasoline, car insurance, etc. To make it easier to calculate for this example, I am going to just use the $0.345 a mile that the government allowed as a mileage reimbursement at the time I was working. I drove 5 miles everyday to drop the kids off at daycare, 6.5 miles from daycare to work, and back again, every day. This would be 23 miles a day, 20 days a month. Total 460 miles per month, or about $160.

Lunch expenses: This was a big one for me. I ate out every day. With so much on my plate: work, taking care of two children, taking care of the house, etc, packing a lunch was the last thing on my mind. So I typically spent $5 a day on take out food. That’s $125 a month.

Clothing/Dry Cleaning Expense: I am not too big on buying clothing that requires dry cleaning, so I did not have this expense. I did, however, find myself at a job which required dress clothes. My monthly clothing budget was $75 a month, including multiple sets of pantyhose.

Dining Out Expenses: Again, this was a real pocket drainer for me. I’d get home after a 10 hour work/commute day, with two over stimulated children, a messy house, and an irritated husband. I simply did not have the energy to cook every night. A conservative cost for weekly take out at this time in my life would have been $50 a week, or $200 a month. I realize that is high for many families, but that is how it was in our family, after I chose to examine our spending.

Miscellaneous expenses: Miscellaneous expenses might include things like: loss of income when I had to take off work to take the kids to the doctor, because they had gotten a cold at daycare. Add to that the co-pay at the doctor’s office, plus the cost of prescription antibiotics. Or how about the costs of disposable diapers? I had been putting my children in cloth diapers at home, but the daycare centers would not use them. So I had to purchase diapers each week for my babies to use at daycare. Not to mention the fact that I was supplementing my youngest with formula, because I could not pump enough breast milk to provide for her throughout the day. Then there are things like buying gifts for bosses or co-workers at Christmas. Or the inevitable $10 here and there that you are expected to contribute for birthday cakes or flowers and the like when another employee is the beneficiary. Or how about the $20 you are guilt-tripped into spending on someone’s kid’s school fundraiser? And the $10 in office supplies you buy out of pocket because your company forgot to order more pens? All these little expenses add up. For the sake of this example, let’s say that these expenses equal just $50 a month.

This brings my monthly expenses to: $1,260.So, my income, after taxes, was $1,575 and my expenses for working were $1,260. That left me a profit of $315 a month, or just $1.96 an hour!
I worked hard, from morning to night, day after day, having some stranger watch my daughter take her first step, so that I could earn a measly $2 an hour???To me, it just wasn’t worth it. Try the calculator yourself.

I’m sure there is a position that you have considered, probably recently. How much did it pay? How long would your children be in daycare? Plug in the numbers and see what the Cost of Working would be. You may be surprised. You noticed in my example that by me working, it put us in a higher income tax bracket. Keep in mind, when figuring your cost of working, that some people qualify for the Earned Income Tax Credit. Often, when mommy goes back to work, the family no longer qualifies for this substantial credit. So, if you are one of these people, make sure you factor in the loss of this benefit as well.

Let me be very clear here: On the great debate on whether it is best to stay home with your children or to work for a living, I do not think there is a right and wrong answer. This is a decision that each family needs to make for itself. Our family feels that it is best for me to stay home with our children, partly because of the cost of working, but mostly for other reasons. That may not be the same for your family, and that’s fine! I don’t have a problem with families who for one reason or another have two working parents, or a single parent who needs to work.What I do have a problem with are families who believe they CANNOT survive off of one income, without doing the research first.

October 1, 2008

Ava is showered with gifts from her grandma and grandpa Lewis!!!

Today and yesterday when we got home we found boxes on our porch! When we opened them there were some of the most beautiful things for little Ava girl from the Lewis'! I had to upload the pictures! Tricia has worked so hard to find the most unique clothing for Ava! So with out rambling on and on about how adorable all of the things she found are I have taken pictures of them...

This is a really cute outfit for Ava to wear at 6 months! It is a purple pink color with ruffles and a wrap around top!! Such a pretty little outfit!!! Beautiful detail! very unique!

This is a cute little sleeper and bib that she found for Dez.... He loves this! His face lit up when he saw it!

This is a beautiful Sleeper with awesome detail!!! There is a butterfly on the headband and the sleeper!!!

Our little Ava is spoiled already! She is so loved and can't even comprehend how much she is loved! But when she realizes she is going to feel so special!! Thank you more than words can say Steve, Tricia, Cooper, and Landen!!!! We can't wait to see yall and for Ava to meet you guys!

Hope everyone has a wonderful Day and a great night sleep!!!!

Oh i do have to say.....

Yesterday was one month of Marriage for Dez and I and he really is a wonderful man no matter what but here is something to let everyone know how spoiled I am ...

About a year ago I told dez that I wanted to start collecting the Disney Classics like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty and on and on... All the ones that I use to watch when i was young!!! They are coming out with them on DVD and special Additions and they are only out for a short time and then they become very hard to find.... well needless to say we snoozed on Cinderella and I couldn't find it!

But when we got home September 30Th from work he told me that Cinderella was my one month present and that he ordered it and had it shipped a little while back but had not made it! I was blown away that he even remembered that I wanted to start collecting them!!

I LOVE THIS MAN SO MUCH WORDS CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW WONDERFUL HE TREATS ME! He knows that he doesn't have to do all the wonderful things for my love that I love him no matter what but he makes me feel so special when he does. I try my best to do the same things to make him feel special but I am not as creative as he is!!! But I try!!!!